I usually refer to ourselves as the Smartie box family. A little bit of something for everyone! We are the Tenten Family…Dad Bernd, Mom Berdien and 3 amazing kids! Our eldest boy, Aldric-Yanik is now nearly 10 years old. Aldric was diagnosed with ASD just after the birth of his sister, our eldest daughter, Yeva. Our little butterfly was diagnosed at birth with Down Syndrome. Yeva is turning 7 in 2 weeks. Our youngest flower, Nayonka do not have a diagnosis but has a flamboyant personality that fits just right in. We love every bit of our family.
Created by God for a reason and a purpose! With the birth of Yeva, we as parents went through a tough grieving process. Not grieving your child but the dreams you had. That picture-perfect idea you had, the heartache that you were responsible for her diagnosis…a lot of rejection towards yourself as a parent. I felt so sorry and sad for Yeva, because doctors are not so positive about diagnoses. Spending some time with our mentors, we were at the lowest and saddest point in our journey…and we just started…morals were low. We were just so …. sad. And God opened up His scriptures. James 1:17….every good and perfect GIFT is from above, coming down from the Father on the heavenly lights, who do not change like shifting shadows….and then the Holy Spirit showed me…Psalm 127:3…Children are a GIFT from the Lord, they are a reward from Him. And at that point we had this God-given revelation….all of our children are GIFTS….and all GIFTS from God are perfect. God created man, FIRST spirit and then our flesh. So His gift is Aldric, Yeva and Nayonka’s spirits. Not the flesh package that is here on earth. The present is inside the package. The present is not the wrapping. Each one of us got a different wrapping. But the wrapping does not define the worth of the present inside. And so is our children. The packages we have for our kids are called Autism and Down Syndrome. But it does not define who they are.
The diagnosis is not the PROGNOSES. Only God can destine the prognoses. When we had this revelation; God turned my “feeling sorry and sad for Yeva” into heart aching abundant radical love for my daughter. This process prepared us for Aldric’s diagnosis just a few months after. Is it easy…NOOOOOO it’s not!!! Nothing is easy having children with different abilities BUT the journey is definitely worth it. We as parents have a totally different mindset than your typical families. We plan now…for today only. Not for tomorrow. Cause tomorrow is never ever guaranteed to be the same as today. We have to fight and advocate for our kids to have a fair place in life. But we also have to fight against diagnoses swallowing our family. It’s constantly adapting to circumstances. Sometimes we are tired and feel dishearted but NEVER EVER we are without Hope. We are never hopeless! We choose to see life….we choose to see opportunity…we choose to think differently about life and what its all about.
One thing that parents do is feeling guilty about what they can do for their kids. That they always feel that what they are doing is not enough. That they have to enroll them in this and that program. That they have to….have to…have to. I want to use this oppertunity and share this little piece of peace….release yourself from the burden that your are not doing enough. Our kids FIRST need love from us as parents. And then do what you can do at the moment in life where you are. Don’t burden yourself with the “have to’s” in life and totally miss the journey you have with your child / children. And this little piece of advise is for all kids.
Blessed2BaBlessing!!!
Love The Tenten Family
